Forty-eight hours of labour—yes, you heard that right. Two full days of pushing through pain and exhaustion and discovering a strength I never knew I had. I had naively thought it would be child’s play—after all, my sister had her baby in just six hours, so why wouldn’t I? But boy, was I wrong. As the hours dragged on, I felt myself transform into a fiery beast. The pain was unreal, but the moment I saw my son, all that pain faded away. I knew in an instant that I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.
Hi again, I'm Nesa, and I’m here to share my pregnancy story and the lessons I learned along the way, hoping they might guide you on your own beautiful path to parenthood.
Lesson One: Your Gynecologist is Your Best Friend, Not Dr. Google
When I first found out I was pregnant, my immediate reaction was to turn to Dr. Google. I had so many questions, so many anxieties. The internet, I thought, would have all the answers. But as the weeks went by, I quickly learned that Google was no friend of mine. Instead of reassuring me, it filled my mind with worst-case scenarios and conflicting advice. Every new piece of information only heightened my fears.
Then, one day, after reading something online that sent me into a full-blown panic, I rushed to my gynecologist. She calmly explained that what I had read was an extremely rare occurrence and assured me that everything was perfectly normal. From that moment on, I realised that she, not Google, was the one who truly knew me and my pregnancy.
In Germany, when you find out you’re pregnant, your first step should be to book an appointment with your gynecologist (Frauenarzt). You can usually do this directly, but sometimes you might need a referral from your General practitioner (Hausarzt). My gynecologist became my go-to person for everything. It was important for me to do my own research, especially when it came to understanding the tests and treatments I would undergo. The Mutterpass (mother’s passport) I was given—a booklet recording all my test results—became my guide. I made sure to understand everything in it, especially since most of it was explained to me in German.
I can’t stress this enough: ask questions. Don’t be afraid to use a translation app if you’re struggling with the language. I often used https://www.deepl.com/en/translator to translate the information and questions, making sure I was fully informed.
Lesson Two: Find a Great Midwife
As my pregnancy progressed, I realised just how essential midwives are in Germany. Unlike in my home country, where their role is more limited, here they are deeply involved in your care before, during, and after childbirth.
I remember feeling overwhelmed by the idea of childbirth. There were so many things I didn’t know, so many decisions to make. That’s when I found my midwife. She wasn’t just a medical professional—she was a source of emotional support, someone who understood my fears and helped me navigate them.
Finding the right midwife made all the difference. She guided me through the birth plan, offering advice that was tailored to my needs. When it came to breastfeeding—a challenge I hadn’t anticipated—she was right there, providing the guidance I needed to succeed. I was fortunate to find a midwife who spoke English, thanks to her experience working in the UK. This made communication much easier, which was a huge relief.
I strongly recommend starting your search for a midwife early—ideally around 12 to 15 weeks into your pregnancy—since they often have limited availability. Don’t overlook the resources available to you. I discovered that the flyers and pamphlets at my gynecologist’s office were full of valuable information, including contacts for midwives in the area. You can also find a midwife online through platforms like ammely.de and hebammensuche.de. These resources were incredibly helpful for me in finding a midwife who was the perfect fit.
Lesson Three: Maternity Leave
As the birth of my son approached, I was grateful for the support the German system provided. Maternity leave here isn’t just a right; it’s almost an obligation, designed to ensure that both mother and child are well cared for. This leave starts six weeks before your due date and continues for eight weeks after childbirth, with extended leave available for multiple or premature births.
I had the luxury of staying home to recuperate and bond with my child while still receiving maternity benefits. This provided me with peace of mind, knowing that I could focus entirely on my recovery and caring for my son without the added stress of worrying about supporting my family during this period. It was incredibly reassuring to know that I had financial security while I adjusted to life with a newborn.
Once my maternity leave ended, I had the option to apply for parental leave, which allowed me to extend my time off to care for my child. Both you and your partner are entitled to parental leave in Germany.
If you’re planning to take both maternity and parental leave, it’s essential to notify your employer and health insurance fund well in advance. You can request a confirmation of pregnancy (Schwangerschaftsbestätigung) from your doctor to present to them. Handling these arrangements early, ideally several weeks before your leave, ensures a smooth transition and helps you avoid any complications with your benefits or employment status.
Practical Tip: Registering Your Newborn in Germany
One final thing I learned on this journey was the importance of paperwork. In Germany, you must register your newborn at the registry office (Standesamt) within seven days of the birth. This is necessary to obtain a birth certificate and a tax ID (yes, babies get a tax ID). Once you have the birth certificate, you can apply for child benefits and obtain a passport for your little one.
Make sure you have all the necessary documents ready—ID, proof of birth from the hospital, and your marriage certificate if applicable. Handling this promptly will ensure that you can access the necessary benefits and legal documentation your child needs without unnecessary delays.
Conclusion
I hope this article provided some valuable insights into my pregnancy journey and offered you useful information along the way. In the upcoming weeks, we’ll shift gears and dive back into career development, exploring how to choose a new career path and getting one step closer to finding my dream job.
LovE, Nesa
Chronicles of a German-Born African - Episode 7
